Nothing is happening. I look around at life and all looks stagnant. Many times I show up to work and there is little to do. Maybe there is something to do, but it does not seem to hold much value, therefore, I am not motivated to complete it. The office phone hardly rings. I am fairly alone in the office. I am not a knowledge-worker, therefore I am expendable, like Rambo.
Outside of work, there is not much to do. I repeat the same activities in the evening, or on the weekend. I occasionally argue with my teenager, and avoid or keep distance from most of my family because their dysfunction is sometimes unbearable. I do not really have friends, therefore I hardly socialize. Life is mundane and unimportant.
I am in the eye of the storm. I listen to my heart and hear an ache. I open my eyes in the morning and wonder how I’ll get out of bed. I look at the clock and dread exiting my apartment to face the work day. I look back at life and imagine what could have been done differently. I think of others who appear more successful than I and linger on past errors and mistakes. I think of my family and try not to be upset at my parents for the way they raised me. I hope every day will be the day of transformation. I hope I will experience the amazing events of actors on film. I fantasize I have great economic wealth. I fantasize I am recognized by society for my achievements. My heart aches and aches.
What am I saying? None of this is true. I just described a life in three-dimensional terms. I based those statements on comparisons of other lives on this planet. I am drawing philosophical conclusions based on the definitions of happiness and success of whom or what? I need to determine how I am measuring my life’s worth because this method of philosophizing is sabotaging my peace and joy. I am running away from life’s magic by utilizing formulas of success and happiness deeply embedded in a society I’m obviously following to the point they seem like the only true answer and solution. In a place and time of multi-faceted inequalities, not to mention the obvious ones like economic, racial, and gender inequalities, deciding that stagnation is determined by the dollar amount of my bank account, the lack of interesting characters entering or leaving my life, a highly restricted consumer buying power, a body not built like a coke bottle, a puny job title, a tiny and ghostly social circle, and many more labels that fall on my emotions like atomic bombs on a daily basis, I am a fool to forget about the world which is unobservable to the naked eye. I have to see what I cannot see.
To see what I cannot see, I have to stop observing with my brown eyes and the brain directly behind them. I have to dip into my heart and swim in the radiance of the love flowing there. I’ve done it before. In fact, I’ve been doing it and I’m doing it now. How do I observe with my heart? Science class taught me to observe through a microscope. Religion told me about the heart of prophets. What about my heart? Yes, I know about the left ventricle and the right ventricle. Much more is happening in my life than the naked eye can see. To the naked eye, this life is boring and plain. To the naked eye, this life should not be written about in a blog. Nevertheless, jumping off the pages of this blog are sparks of love transfiguring the world permanently. Nevertheless, the words here are stringed together to form sentences, paragraphs, and finally a blog post which communicate to all humanity. In this blog is written the language of magic, spirit, love, and passion. Many people have learned this language and continue learning it today. It is an ancient language, yet an eternal language which is meant to be spoken in modern times because it is meant to change the world.
I am like a boxer, but my gloves are made of deep desire. My opponent is made up of old, three-dimensional thoughts of the world my pupils observe. My punches are creative, loving, positive actions intended to make the world a better and brighter place. My championship belt is an achievement of love which can be held by the entire world, and will last a long, long time in the capsules of planet Earth. I am inspired by true love because somewhere along the line of my suffering heart and crying eyes I made a choice to ask for something greater, for a way out. Desire was born in my heart and all it did, all it has done, is grow.